Information for Parents
"Among My Favorite Places" by Scott Ward
Welcome to the Seattle University Counseling and Psychological Services' Parent Information page. This page is designed to help you understand and prepare for some of the unique experiences your children may have during their college years. This developmental period can be a significant transition time for your son or daughter... and for you. We hope the following links will provide you with valuable information about CAPS and other helpful resources, as well as offer you support and guidance during this adjustment period.
Understanding the Transition to College
What your child may experience:
For your son or daughter, college will likely be a period of intellectual stimulation and growth, career exploration and development, increased autonomy, self-exploration and discovery, and social involvement. During this period, your children may forge new identities or seek to clarify their values and beliefs. This may require an examination of self, friends, and family. It may also be a time for exploration and experimentation, and a period in which your children may question or challenge the values you hold dear. The changes your son or daughter may experience can occur quickly, as he or she begins to develop new peer relationships, gain competence in new areas, and learn to manage his or her independence. It is important to recognize that every child will experience his or her own unique set of challenges and adjustments, just as every parent will have different expectations for and reactions to his or her child's college experience.
What parents may experience:
Often overlooked is the fact that the college experience is a significant transition for parents as well as their children. As parents, you may experience feelings of happiness, excitement, and pride when your child leaves for college. At the same time, you may feel a sense of sadness and pain and have many understandable fears and concerns about your child's future and well-being. You may worry about your child's safety and ability to care effectively for him or herself. You may fear losing your child as he or she begins to function more independently and forms deep attachments with peers. You may be concerned about how your child will deal with alcohol, drugs, and sexual relationships. You may also wonder how your child's performance in college will reflect on you as the parent. You can expect to feel a variety of emotions.
How you can support your child:
1. Although your child wants and needs to become more autonomous during this period, it is important for your son or daughter to know you are still there for them and available to talk about the issues which arise. Maintaining a supportive relationship with your child can be critical to his or her success particularly during their first year. If you and your child were not particularly close prior to his or her leaving home, it is still important for you to convey your support. You may be surprised to find that some space and distance from your child can help improve your relationship.
2. It is important to maintain regular contact with your child, but also to allow space for your child to approach you and set the agenda for some of your conversations. Let your child know that you respect and support his or her right to make independent decisions and that you will serve as an advocate and an advisor when asked. Finally, recognize that it is normal for your child to seek your help one day and reject it the next. Such behavior can be confusing and exhausting for parents, so make sure to take care of yourself by talking about your feelings with your own support system.
3. Be realistic and specific with your child about financial issues including what you will and will not pay for, as well as your expectations for how your son or daughter will spend money. It is also important to be realistic about your child's academic performance, recognizing that not every straight-A student in high school will be a straight-A student in college. Help your children set their academic goals; encourage them to do their best and to seek assistance if needed.
4. The fact that your child has left home does not necessarily prevent family problems from arising or continuing. Refrain from burdening your children with problems from home they have no control over and can do nothing about. Sharing these problems with your children may cause them to worry excessively and even feel guilty that they are away from home and unable to help.
5. There are many people involved in the various aspects of your child's college experience. These individuals may include academic advisors and deans, financial aid officers, and residence hall staff. If you have questions or concerns that your child cannot adequately respond to, or if a particular problem arises, call the appropriate person. However, be sure to involve your child in a collaborative effort to address the problem. Remember college is a time when young people need to learn to handle things more independently.
How you can support yourself:
1. Recognize that it is normal to have mixed feelings when your child leaves home. Feelings of pain and loss often accompany separation from loved ones. It is also normal to feel a sense of relief when your son or daughter leaves for college and to look forward to some time alone, with your significant other, or with your younger children.
2. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise during this period of adjustment; develop and maintain your own support systems.
3. Do your best to maintain your own sense of well-being. This may involve eating and sleeping well, exercising, and setting new and creative goals for yourself. If your son or daughter has moved away to college, perhaps it is a good time to do some of things you put off while your child was growing up. Taking on a new project or hobby can be an excellent way to channel your energy and feelings.
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CAPS Services
It might comfort you to know that CAPS staff are licensed mental health professionals who have experience working with college students. Our professional team can help you and your child clarify whether his or her current experience is healthy and normal or represents a concern that could benefit from or require professional treatment. Our office provides a variety of services to enhance your child's academic success and emotional well-being. These services include: group, individual, couple psychotherapy for students experiencing a variety of personal-emotional issues; crisis-response services; self-help materials; workshops and consultations; referrals to other mental health resources; a resource library and a variety of on-line resources. For a more detailed description of each of these services, please return to the CAPS homepage and click on the appropriate links.
When might psychotherapy be appropriate for your child?
Students seek psychotherapy for many reasons including, but not limited to the following: loneliness and adjustment issues; concerns about career choice and/or academic performance; family concerns such as alcoholism or divorce; emotional difficulties such as depression and anxiety; roommate conflicts; eating disorders; problems with alcohol and drug abuse; relationship problems, and suicidal feelings. Students may be seen at CAPS or referred for other psychological or psychiatric services depending on the nature of their presenting issues.
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How CAPS can help parents
Speak with a therapist
Clearly, if a student is imminently suicidal or endangering his or her life, or the life of someone else, immediate action is indicated (please see Suicide Prevention or Emergency and After Hours Care if this applies to you). However, there are "grey areas" when professional services might be helpful but your student wants to handle things on his or her own. Because college students are considered adults, there are legal limitations to how much you or we can help if your student is unwilling to schedule an initial evaluation. However, we invite parents to call CAPS to speak with one of our professional staff if you have any questions about our services or if you are wondering how to assist a son or daughter struggling with a particular issue. We can also provide parents with referrals to therapy services outside the University. To contact us, please call (206) 296-6090 during normal business hours, Monday - Friday from 8am - 12pm and from 1pm to 6pm. If you feel that a serious situation requires that a University official reach out to your student, you may contact the Dean of Students and/or their Residence Hall Director.
What does confidentiality mean for parents and other family members?
Confidentiality is essential to the therapeutic relationship we establish and maintain with students who seek our services. We adhere to confidentiality guidelines mandated by Washington law as well as those required by our professional licensing boards. We understand and appreciate that parents often wish to be involved when their son or daughter seeks psychotherapy; however, confidentiality law does not permit us to talk with parents in any way about their child's participation in therapy without the student's written consent (except in certain emergency situations). Under ordinary circumstances, we can not confirm or deny that a student has come to CAPS for a psychotherapy session or disclose the name of his or her therapist. However, if you are worried about your child, you are welcome to contact CAPS and share your concerns.
Self-help information
Parents and students can access self-help virtual pamphlets on a wide range of issues (e.g., grief and loss, students in distress, anger management, computer multitasking) through our website. Our website features links to resources that assist students with developing or improving their study habits and other academic skills. In addition, we have links to pamphlets and information on a variety of topics developed by other universities.
Scheduling an appointment for your child
If your son or daughter is not yet accustomed to scheduling health, counseling and date appointments, now is a good time to learn. We have found that the students best know their own schedule and that they are more likely to keep appointments they scheduled. A therapist can talk with you about ways to encourage your student to schedule an appointment and how to talk to him or her about psychotherapy.
Paying for psychotherapy services
Brief psychotherapy at CAPS is provided to SU students currently attending classes at no charge. Students who need or desire longer term psychotherapy, psychiatric care or specialized mental health treatment are referred to community resources. These costs are covered by the student's own health insurance and financial resources. Health and mental health providers are plentiful on "Pill Hill" (as the adjacent neighborhood is known due to the number of health resources located there).
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Helpful links and resources
Below are several links to informative websites that you might find helpful. Also, check the resources and links sections of the CAPS website.
Seattle University Information for Parents
A Parent's Guide to Drugs and Alcohol - Department of Health
College Parents of America (CPA)
This national membership association helps parents "prepare and put their children through college easily, economically and safely."
College Times
National Resource Center for First-Year Experience and Students in Transition
PFLAG (Parents, Families, Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
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